Selah

This is a pause. Empty space doesn't always have to be filled. Tonight I'm savouring the silence...

Prayer

Earlier this year I read an amazing book by Cindy Jacobs called The Power of Persistent Prayer. Honestly, it changed the way I thought about prayer. And the way that I actually, well, prayed. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

I had been considering what it was to pray. How does one go about praying? What makes prayer more than just talking to God? How do I, in my prayer life, commune with Him in a deeper and more intimate way? Prayer is amazing, and it's so much more than just taking our problems to God.

I'm fascinated with the mystery of worship and its capacity to be an active expression of prayer. Our worship is not a separate entity to our prayer. There is so much about worship that is connected with prayer. They compliment and strengthen one another. They go hand-in-hand.

I have discovered the amazing power of declaring God's will over my life and the divine authority that He has given through His Holy Spirit to claim victory. I can approach His throne with boldness and confidence that He will hear me and answer me. These are areas that I often neglect in my prayer life. I've always felt unworthy of asking God for things which I think I don't deserve. The thing is, I don't deserve them. God still wants to bless me but He also want's me to ask. I'm guilty of leaving out the asking step but expecting God to deliver. Don't you think that's unfair on God? Ask, and you shall receive, right? Not think or imagine or wish. Ask. If you don't ask, you most likely won't get. And as much as I run the risk of getting a 'No', I won't get a 'Yes' without asking either.

The other day I was pondering a problem. I caught myself worrying over something when I should've given the problem straight to God. Such an easy pit to fall into. It seems like such a logical thing to do, to surrender that thing and lay it at the feet of Jesus. But it's almost never my first response. I tend to hold it close, letting the big problem fester into a bigger problem that seems insurmountable the more I consider it. As I reigned my thinking in and gave the problem over to God, I was reminded of the verse: Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God // Philippians 4:6. So simple. Yet how I over-complicate things! Instead of wasting all that energy on worrying over my problem, I have only to present it to God, tell him about it and surrender it to his care. Seriously, how easy. If only that were always my first action instead of my late reaction.

We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? // Romans 8:26-32 

This thing called prayer is so mysterious. It connects us to the very heart of God. But it's up to us to cultivate the connection. So let's do it! What have we got to lose?

Look Up

I've got this sinking feeling of losing control, like things are spiraling downward in a steady nose dive. 

It's sort of a dark tunnel that I can't find my way out of. Is there even a light at the end of it? I keep putting one foot in front of the other but I don't seem to be getting any closer to the end. I'm losing motivation. Fast. And my vision dims a little bit because I'm not holding onto it as tightly as I was. 

I'm in perpetual survival mode, existing in the now and steadily losing sight of what's coming. I can't do this anymore. I've got to get a grip on this and go back to where I was before. Three-sixty, right back to the beginning and start over again. Jesus, help me to see again. Give me fresh insight and understanding and motivation to face the giants threatening to trample me. 

I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He is from everlasting to everlasting. Where does my help come from? From the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Whom shall I fear? // Rom 8:37, Rom 8:17, Phil 4:13, Ps 90:2, Ps 121:1-2, Ps 27:1

Sunday

A day of perfect sunny weather is followed by a grey skies and wind-driven rain. Typical spring weather. Never mind, just as well I like rainy days. Especially when they're on the weekend and I can curl up on the couch with a book. I admit that it hasn't been a very productive weekend but it's been refreshing and restful, I'm sad that it's almost over. I'm dreading tomorrow.

Vulnerability

It's the scariest thing ever, sharing pieces of ourselves. The slightest possibility of being hurt or rejected usually sends us running for the hills. Being vulnerable is not for the faint of heart. It takes gutsy courage to face fears and conquer them with beauty and grace. Vulnerable may seem to masquerade as weakness but really it's courage with it's sleeves rolled up, ready to face life's challenges. It embraces weakness and finds beauty in the mess of everyday. Vulnerability stands proud and tall, sure in who she is and where her identity is found. Vulnerability is strong and fearless. Vulnerability doesn't strive toward perfection but understands that perfection can only be found in His love, which is perfect and casts out all our fears. 

Treasure Box

Measure of Love

I am an early childhood teacher. I love my job but it's the kind of job where you give a lot. You give a lot of time and attention and instruction and care and love. Most of all, you give love. It's the number one thing that makes a good teacher great - the kind that children remember forever. And in order to be one of those, you need to give overflowing, abundant love - basically, you give of yourself. 

I find that hard. It takes a lot of energy to give of myself freely and continually. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's tiring. Draining.

Tonight is another in a string of late nights for me. I'm so tired and this blogging thing is getting quite tricky to stay on top of. So instead of putting my depleted energies into creating the perfect post tonight, I'm just going to put it out there that real life is messy and at the end of the day, I've got to head straight back to the source to get a fresh dose of energy and love in order to give more. That's what I'll be doing tonight - seeking and consulting with my 'source' and then getting some much needed sleep so that I can get up in the morning ready to give of myself again with an abundant measure of love.  

Hush

It's 11:39 and I arrived home ten minuets ago. I'm so tired that I can't think straight and I can't see straight either. 

Sometimes you've got to know when it's time to say something and when it's time to shut your big mouth. It's a fine balance and one that I often err on the side of caution for fear that I will say something I'll later regret. Painful and better-forgotten things are always said in a moment of foolish thoughtlessness. 

Enough said. I'm going to shut my mouth now and leave you with some of my favourites from Emily's 31 Days of Hush so far: 

Quiet is My New Loud // 5 Surprising Essentials For a Great Party

Short and Sweet

I am loving this challenge! But I've got to be honest with you. It's hard!

It takes a lot of thought and effort. And time. Time is the big one for me. 

As it stands, today will be the first post that I will have written before the time of posting. Because I happen to know that I will be absolutely shattered once I get home from work. Tuesdays are hard and long. I don't like them very much.

I've been thinking a lot about how I can manage this project (manage being the key word) so that it remains a rewarding and stress-less experience. 

I have something of a love-hate relationship with list making, but for the purposes of this challenge I weighed up the benefits of writing one and actually it did help to collate my thoughts and give a clear but flexible outline to follow. Yes, I'm still hoping to write things ahead of time for the sake of efficiency and my own sanity! But it creates a goal, an achievable outcome even if I don't. I think it will help on the days when my brain turns to mush and I want to give up. I've already had a few of those so far.

If you're also writing a 31 days series, what are you finding hard?

Illuminate

There's something beautiful about that moment when I turn the light out at the end of the day. Distractions fade into the dark stillness and the booming voice of Mind and Reason take a backseat to the gentle whispers of Heart and Spirit. It makes no sense and there's no rhyme or reasonable logic to it.

There aren't words to explain the ebb and flow of the inner tide of self. It has it's own language, it measures knowledge and understanding unlike logical thinking. It comprehends with utter certainty without knowing how it got to its conclusion. 

I lie awake and the boundaries of mind and spirit overlap. Reality and spiritual insight blur together into a surreal dream-like vision. How can I be sure? What if I'm wrong? Is this trustworthy?

Staring at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, my soul catches a glimpse of the one weighing so heavily on my heart. God, do they know you? Where are they now? Why do I carry such a burden for them in my heart? Dare I trust that you will work these things out for your good and your glory even without me ever understanding what this is?

Despite the mess of my emotions and the confliction of my thoughts, I feel the steady rhythm of the call; pray, it says. Pray and pray and pray.

So I do. I fall asleep praying and I'm awakened with the prompting to pray some more.

I still don't understand. I toss to and fro, not willing to risk that this quiet inner voice might be speaking truth. Morning comes and with daylight comes doubt - it's easy to hide behind the certainty of absolutes. Yet I have learnt to trust this inner guide. There have been times when I have heard something or felt something which I have ignored and thought of as silliness or just workings of my sub-conscious mind. But then God moves and I see that I'm mistaken. The voice is accurate and trustworthy and not just my mind running wild. 

His voice is very still, and very small. It's quiet and gentle, easy to miss. 

I have two options. I can take the risk and believe that this is from Him. Or I can ignore it. I don't know what He's asking me to pray. Only that I need to pray. Earnestly, diligently, with fervor and passion. For so long I've been asking for answers, but I'm coming to realise that it's bigger than knowing the answers to my questions. He's asking me to trust that in the midst of not knowing, He is still working out His plan and purpose. I need to be faithful and obedient and continue to follow the promptings He has placed on my heart. 

Conquering Power

As you go into a new week, I pray that you will walk in the authority of the Holy Spirit, remembering who you are in Him.

The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world's ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.  //  1 John 5:4

Some Thoughts on Procrastination and Productivity

Today I've spent some time writing a few posts that will be ready for next week. I almost can't believe that I'm so prepared. I usually don't prepare things ahead of time. I'm more of a 'just wing it' kind of blogger. But honestly, I'm struggling with this daily posting thing. It's getting quite overwhelming and whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, I usually run and hide and don't want to come out for a long, long time. 

I read a blog post at Red and Honey entitled Blogger vs. Procrastination (really loving Beth's series on Un-Blogging btw) and left a comment because honestly - procrastination is my middle name! 

Here's some of what I said:

I struggle with this one big time! And I'm not even a wife or mother. I don't know how you ladies do it! Seriously though, I do have a busy life with lots of things that pull my attention in different directions. So when I do have down time, I think I need to relax and not do anything in order to be refreshed. But really, I'm just not using my time as wisely as I should. Actually, when I invest my time into productive passions (ie. the things I do in my down time). I'm re-energizing my batteries in order to give into other areas in my life too. By procrastinating, we are really robbing ourselves of achieving our dreams and a sense of purpose and fulfillment in our day-to-day life. Easier said than done, I know. I am a terrible procrastinator and constantly have to work on staying focused and motivated to achieve the things that are so easily put off!

8 Best Tips for Avoiding Procrastination outlines some very achievable and practical tips that I think are awesome! If you fight against the Procrastination Monster like I do, I would definitely recommend it.

J'adore

I'm not a very talented cook. But despite my ineptness in the kitchen, I love being inspired by people who are. Talented, that is.

I happily stumbled across a television series recently called The Little Paris Kitchen. Oh my goodness, I fell in love instantaneously and was transported back to the streets of Paris. When I was twenty and in the midst of getting my degree, I was told that it would be crazy to take a year off university to go to France and the UK for a few months. But I did it anyway and I'm so glad - it was the trip of a lifetime! The bustle, the smells, the multi-faceted charm of this beautiful city. Watching Rachel cook in her compact kitchen brought back memories of walking narrow streets, train rides, the feeling of surreal excitement and an insanely delicious Parisian experience - Crepe Nutella. Rachel Khoo is a British born chef and food writer who went to Paris to study patisserie at Le Cordon Bleu. She opened a tiny restaurant called The Little Paris Kitchen (in her studio apartment actually) which was open for one night of the week for a very intimate table of two. How delightful! This led to the production of the TV series, and also a cookbook. I've requested the book from my local library and can't wait to check it out.


For now though, here is Rachel's chocolate lava cake - I could just die, it looks so heavenly. I will save it for a very special occasion or a really, really bad day.

Sleep

It's late and my brain has gone into shut down mode. I have nothing inspired to say. I can't hardly think straight. All I want to do is get ready for bed and drift off into a deep sleep without waking till morning. So while I do that, here are some inspired thoughts on sleep by Arianna Huffington, co-founder and editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post. 

"The way to a more productive, more inspired, more joyful life is getting enough sleep."

The Wednesday That Was

5:45  ::  Alarm goes off. Press snooze.

6:50  ::  Get up.

7:20  ::  Out the door.

7:40  ::  Car battery dies. Feel slightly panicked.

7:50  ::  Ask a taxi driver if he's got jumper leads. Thank God -  he does!

8:15  ::  Ahh, late for work.

8:35  ::  Make blue playdough.

9:45  ::  Morning tea break.

10:20  ::  Rearrange outdoor environment.

11:30  ::  Lunch.

12:20  ::  Write class update in a blissfully quiet room of sleeping children.  Love it!

1:30  ::  Trying to put a baby to sleep when they really want to play is pointless.  Just saying.

2:10  ::  Outside again. Why can't the weather make its mind up about whether or not to rain.

2:30  ::  Children's afternoon tea - hmm, smoothies.

2:50  ::  My afternoon break - hmm, coffee!

3:30  ::  General craziness ensues.

4:10  ::  Pack down outside.

4:30  ::  Start watching the clock. Why does it seem to slow down?

5:00  ::  Home time!

5:20  ::  Leave work.

5:45  ::  Supermarket run.

6:15  ::  Home at last.

7:00  ::  Dinner.

8:30  ::  What am I going to write tonight??

8:50  ::  Publish

Creative Comparison

Sometimes I sit with fingers poised at the computer keyboard, in eager anticipation of the words that will flow from the deep well of inspiration inside of me...I wait but nothing comes. So I head off in search of inspiration. In other words, I blog-hop and trawl the internet with no specific subject in mind. Searching without knowing what I'm looking for. 

It's aimless. And instead of fueling my creativity, it runs me dry. Most of all, it makes me feel inadequate and I doubt myself and the worthiness of what I have to offer. So I end up shutting my computer feeling quite dejected because I've just spent the last hour comparing myself to someone that I've never met. Their blog is better than mine, they have more important things to say, get more comments, have more followers...oh, the list goes on!

I love what this lovely lady has to say about the subject of comparison and it's impact on our creativity:

"Comparison stifled my creativity. It caused me to shut down, to unnecessarily stress about upcoming shoots and to doubt myself. When we doubt ourselves and our God-give abilities, we are in essence doubting God...and that's not something I want to be accused of doing." - Katie McGihon

I don't want to get caught in the comparison game, it leaves me feeling small and inadequate. The purpose of this project for me is about getting to the core of who I am as the one writing here and what this space is about rather than finding new blogs just for the sake of it or comparing what I do with what you do. 

In light of this, I've decided that I'm going to be very selective about how many other fellow 31 day blogs I read. I mean, have you seen how many people have linked up? Over 1000 last I checked. And each of them will post something every. single. day. How does one possibly find the time to read them, write ones own post and go about a busy life at the same time? The answer is simple: one doesn't. I'm not even going to try.

Here is my list of 31 Days series that I'll be keeping an eye on and perusing in my leisure time:

Chatting at the Sky // 31 Days of Hush
Red and Honey // 31 Days of Un-Blogging
Honestly Here // 31 Days of Healing
Sarah Mae // 31 Days to a Fresh Blog Start
Bradford Avenue // 31 Days of Gathered Art
Sweetwater // 31 Days to Love where you Live
She's the Girl that Sings // 31 Verses Writing my Life Story

31 Days

Last year, I had this great idea that I would write a series for the month of October on being Fearless. It was great in theory. Reality was a different matter. Fearless was my word. But in the midst of walking the journey I couldn't find a way to say the things that were stirring in my heart. It was too deep and didn't even make much sense to me at the time. So October came and went and despite my intentions to write for thirty-one straight days, I didn't.

Since my return in July, I am struggling to find where this blog is going and what it's about. I also struggle with consistency. Generally I write whenever the mood strikes me and then go for long stretches without anything. Like I've said previously, the hardest part is starting. Now that I have, the next thing is to keep going, to get fresh ideas and produce...oh the dreaded word - content!

But I want to be about more than just churning out content. I want to say things because they are meaningful and important to me. The possibility of encouraging others is just an added bonus.

So this year I've decided that the 31 Days series may be just the thing I need to find my voice. To find and define a purpose and identity for this blog. And maybe there will be some space-fillers in that time but I can't over-think it too much. I just need to jump in and do it. I'm hoping to get a little bit of quality out of a season of quantity. I don't know what I'm going to say, it's still a mystery to me. Maybe a theme will emerge but I'm going into this with nothing planned other than saying something about anything every day for the rest of the month. No matter how it turns out, it should be fun!

Never heard of the 31 days series? Go here to read more about it. And here is a whole bunch of people who are writing for 31 days too.